Becoming a parent
Becoming a parent is one of those experiences that everyone says will change you, but it’s impossible to truly grasp the full extent until you’re fully immersed, no returns, living it. The moment my kiddo was placed in my arms, I felt a surge of emotions collect me head on — joy, fear, absolute terror, and love, all wrapped up in an overwhelming (and seemingly endless) tsunami. It’s the kind of emotional rollercoaster that new parents know of but don’t understand the full breadth until they are swimming in that cortisol. Of course there are plenty of beautiful moments, the human race would have extinguished millennia ago if not but wow, the absolute rewiring of every single thing you ever know is intense.
This is a reflection on the emotional journey I’ve experienced since becoming a parent. If you’re reading this as a new or soon-to-be parent, know that your experience may be different, but I hope this helps you feel less alone in your own emotional shifts.
The Emotional Rollercoaster: Joys and Fears of Early Parenthood
There’s nothing quite like the joy that comes with holding your baby for the first time. It’s a love so intense that it almost knocks the breath out of you. I remember looking at my baby girl, her tiny fingers curling around mine, and feeling like my heart might burst. But right alongside that joy was a new and unfamiliar kind of fear.
For me, the fear wasn’t just about the big things — like whether I’d be a good parent or how I’d keep her safe. It was also about the little, everyday worries. Is she breathing while she sleeps? Am I feeding her enough? Am I doing everything right? Those first few weeks were a whirlwind of emotions, and I wasn’t prepared for how overwhelming it could be to feel so much all at once.
Balancing that joy and fear is something I’m still working on. The trick, I’ve found, is in accepting that it’s okay to feel both. You can be incredibly happy and deeply worried at the same time. That’s part of the emotional complexity of parenthood — it doesn’t have to make sense, and it’s okay if it doesn’t.
Coping with the Emotional Challenges of New Parenthood
While the joys are often talked about, the emotional struggles of parenting are less frequently shared. Exhaustion hit me like a freight train. And with that exhaustion came moments of doubt and frustration. It’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough, or that you should be handling things better. I found myself questioning my instincts, feeling overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility of caring for another human being.
In those moments, I leaned heavily on my support system — my partner, family, and friends. My husband was, and still is, my rock. We made space for each other to talk about how we were feeling, without judgement. That was a game-changer for us. Just knowing that I wasn’t alone in the emotional whirlwind helped me navigate it with more grace.
Another thing that helped was taking a step back and reminding myself that no parent has it all together all the time. The emotional struggles of parenting aren’t a sign that you’re failing. They’re simply part of the process. I had to let go of the idea that I had to be perfect, or that feeling overwhelmed was a sign of weakness.
Strategies for Managing Emotional Struggles
Over time, I found a few strategies that helped me manage the emotional intensity of new parenthood. These might not work for everyone, but they’ve made a difference for me:
Address your needs first: A shower is basic hygiene, not self-care. If you really hate your pumping bra, chuck it in the bin and buy another instead of dreading every pump session even more. If having a tidy home is good for your mental health, don’t drop it off your list - delegate it. I had my sister in-law doing laundry the first time she came over to see the baby. When your basic needs are met, you can then give your child the physical, emotional and psychological support they need. You know the whole apply your own mask first analogy.
Self-compassion: This was, and still is, the hardest part. I don’t need to achieve everything on my to-do list. I don’t actually have to do any aside from keeping my tiny human alive. I had to learn to be kind to myself, even on the days when I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. It’s a journey, but giving myself grace has been vital in keeping my emotional health in check.
Leaning on my support system: Having people you can talk to — whether that’s your partner, family, or friends — is invaluable. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it. Having professional support lined up before baby is born is also vital - having your world implode only to be popped on an 8 week waitlist is devastating.
Making time for small moments of self-care: Even something as simple as reading a non-baby related book or going for a walk without kiddo made a huge difference in my emotional well-being. Parenthood is consuming, but carving out those little moments for yourself can help you stay grounded.
Acknowledging the emotional ups and downs: It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. Parenthood is a series of highs and lows, and acknowledging the hard moments can make the joyful ones even sweeter.
The emotional shift of becoming a parent is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s messy, beautiful, and sometimes boring, sometimes overwhelming (sometimes at the same time), but it’s also pretty special. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that feeling all these emotions — the joy, the fear, the exhaustion — is part of the process. It doesn’t make you less of a parent, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Parenthood is a journey that looks different for everyone, but for me, it’s been about embracing the emotional complexity and learning to find peace in the chaos.
